One More

I debated for a while. Couldn't decide if I was ready to share this new thing. But, like with most exciting and good things, I have found it just bursting forth from within me. So here is to one more. One more bout of morning sickness. One more exercise routine mildly altered. One more round of new clothes and indegestion, and leg cramps. One more exhilarating experience of new life growing inside, depending on me to be strong and healthy so it can enter the world with the strength of robust new life. One more chance to share the sacred process of life with the Powers that sustain us from day to day. One more blessed opportunity to contemplate the addition of one more to our family.

I didn't know if I was ready yet. The Lord knew. I didn't know if our family was ready yet. The Lord knew. I didn't know how I would feel. Now I do. Joyful, excited, humbled, greatful, anxious. And all these feelings could no longer be held at bay.

So come June our little family of 4 will be joined by one more.

Happy Birthday Matt!

Matt just had his second birthday! What a milestone! A friend of my mentioned recently that when they turn two a switch turns and they are totally different. My little boy has seemingly grown up over night! It wasn't really that long ago when that dimple in his left was nestled in a much rounder cheek, when that flashy grin sported only fleshy pink gums. And while the twinkle in his bright eyes has always been there, the mischief has only just begun. But with all the raucous a two-year old boy can cause, I'll take it if it means I get that sweet kiss, and that tender hug. The endearing closeness as he presses his forehead up to mine as he sweetly makes his request for Cinderella for the 5th time in one afternoon, or some play time with mommy and the new cars he got for his birthday.

His favorite present were the water guns. Against my better judgment and succumbing to the desire to hear his squeals of rebellious delight, I got him 3 water guns. The rest of the evening was spent dousing both unsuspecting, and suspecting aunts, uncles, and grandparents with the new-fangled weapons of choice. But the highlight of the evening occurred when he realized which victim would bring him the most delight in attacking. CHAINO! After just a few moments of practice squeezing the trigger, he exclaimed "Chaino!" and ran to where Alaina's beloved dog sat unaware beneath an end table. Vigorously squirting him he darted a glance over his shoulder, keeping a wary eye on Alaina. When she realized the peril her pup was in she yelled in sincere distress and surprise, "No, not Chaino!" She ran to his aid and having achieved the response he desired from his sister he moved on to the next target. Chuck and I can only imagine the future predicaments of mock danger Chaino will find himself in at the hands of our Matt! And while this special day was truly ALL about Matthew, I have to boast for just a moment. Because I, the cook/baker incompetent, managed to make a MARVELOUS cake! It turned out soo soo soo good! Wonders never cease it appears! The Dragon Cake was a hit! So good it even made Matt take a couple looks at it before he decided it was safe to approach, and eventually blow on to extinguish the candles. The picture is a little busy, but if you look closely you can even see the wings! I look forward to trying something different next year for Alaina's birthday. And thanks to my cousin Deanne for inspiring me to try my hand at something other than a rectangular pan and a tub of frosting!

For many many many reasons, this will be one of my favorite birthday memories. I love my boy and I hope he has a great year!

I am always surprised at how a good rain washes the world, revealing a fresh, vibrant, new skin. We enjoyed a few good showers and thunderstorms while in Minnesota, and I was greatful for the deep greens, the bright yellows and rich reds that emerged after their much welcomed cleansing. Each rain brought forth new life, almost a daily recurrence. Frogs and grasshoppers emerged from their dark homes beneath the earth to greet us with their songs, and worms wiggled up to the green grass to bask in the warmth of the sun tamed by the cool wetness still blanketing the ground. Life seemed to burst forth, singing, exuberant and joyful. Nature's enthusiasm embraced us as well, beckoning us to join her song, her sense of discovery and wonder. So after most of the storms we headed out to the park. There were several within walking distance, and when I wasn't bent over like a kicked in can helping Alaina peddle a bike, we were able to enjoy those walks. Looking for and picking as many dandelions as possible, jumping left to right along the double wide sidewalks like the green grasshoppers who shared our path. The air was fresh, with a hint of damp in it, and with every deep breath we took to fill our lungs, a wave of contentment and rejuvenating pleasure filled our spirits.

The beauty here is greener, and softer than our desert. The colors and life of the southwest are more intense, warmer and lazier. But the crisp charm of our surroundings are not lost on us. We soak it in, and in the process, like the roots of the tall trees around us dig deeper into the newly moistened soil, the memories and feelings born here take hold deep down inside ourselves.

The best thing about this trip, well there are too many 'best things', but one of them is this: there are always new things to experience, and new ways to experience old things. The other 'best thing' is that our trip, this visit with an old friend, emblazoned in my heart the truth of several things, this being one of them: Life is graced with a cleansing rain with every new day. The colors and intensity and purity of life are given to us anew each morning. And when we smudge it up or clutter it with debris, when we turn to the Lord he will cleanse us again and again and again. Each morning a new dawn, each rain a fresh start. And for that I will be forever grateful!

And We're Off!

So I'm thinking I'm OFF my Rocker for even thinking I am going to be able to pull this off. Flying alone with my two very stir crazy children for three 1/2 hours. But it will be fun after the nightmare of flying is over! Alaina is super-excited; she had so much fun packing her "buffle bag" only to unpack it and put all the contents into a smaller suitcase which she loved zipping and unzipping over and over again. And she is quite the packer! I think I counted at least 4 pairs of shoes fly into the bag, at least a dozen pair of underwear, only 2 pair of socks (I will have to remedy that, who knows, maybe she was planning on wrapping the excess underwear around her feet?), a swimsuit, a dress, 2 pairs of pants, shorts, 4 books, and 4 stuffed animals. She wasn't very happy when I vetoed all the stuffed animals. She insisted that we needed to take some to share with "our friends". I assured her that they would have plenty to play with and that she could only take her favorite one. And we all know that Chaino will be her loyal companion. Later in the evening she wanted to start tossing food in her baggage. Peaches, bread, cereal. "Mom, do they have peaches. Can we pack peaches?" She doesn't even eat the fuzzy fruit! I once again assured her that Emily would have everything we needed, she didn't need to pack the pantry. So cute. . . and so excited.

We are leaving Chuck behind to watch on my brother and sisters while Mom and Dad are soaking up sun and scuba diving in Maui. And HOPEFULLY Chuck will have paperwork to finalize a sale on our house to work on as well. I have decided I absolutely destest the home selling process. Aside from the manic attempts to keep the house absolutely spotless all the time, I hate the yo-yo of emotions and expectations. We have had a couple people fall through on us that we were really sure we shoe-ins. But who knows, maybe this one will really pan out after all. Chuck and I both had the feeling that something would happen while I was gone, but we shall see.

So we ARE off, and it will be an adventure! I can't wait to see Em! Till then. . . . !

What DO My Kids Like To Eat?

So my dear friend Emily called last night in anticipation of our visit to her home in Sartell, MN, wanting to know what my kids like to eat so she can stock her pantry and fridge in our behalf. Aside from the fact that she is the best hostess in the world, the request left me a little speechless. What do I tell her? What do kids like to eat. Of all the dishes and meals what makes the list? Well I will tell her this. . . not much. So it should be easy right?:

Matthew: (in order of meal)

1. Strawberry Milk
2. Strawberry Milk
3. Strawberry Milk. . . .
4. Frosted Flakes (w/strawberry milk. . . No Just Kidding!)
5. Yogurt (prefferably of the strawberry variety)
6. Oatmeal
7. Pizza
8. Turkey Sandwiches (w/ lettuce, tomato, and mayo, on a white bun with sesame seeds - Quiznos Specialty)
9. Cheese and Chicken Quesadillas (with lots of hot salsa)
10. ANY variety of cheesie chips (Dorritos, Cheetos, Sun Chips, etc)
11. Strawberry Milk
12. Strawberry Milk
13. Strawberry Milk
14. Spaghetti with a dab of spicy spaghetti sauce
15. Mac and Cheese (i haven't tried putting salsa in that, be he would prob. like that too)
16. Cranberry Chicken (the ONE recipe I get right every time. . . it is soo yummy. . . look at my Kitchen Katastrophe entry for the recipe in the near future)
16. Barbecue Sauce, sometimes with chicken, but not required!
18. Broccoli
19. Corn (on the cob)
20. Green Beans (Guymon Grown! of course. My mother in law grows beans to die for!)
21. Stuffing
22. Grapes, Cantelope, Strawberries
23. Strawberry Milk
24. Strawberry Milk
25. Strawberry Milk

Alaina:

1. Cold Water with Ice
2. Chocolate Milk
3. Juicy Water (Powerade Option drinks)
4. Soda (yes, report me to Child services. . . I let her drink my diet pepsi!)
5. Tasty Cheerios (HoneyNut Cheerios)
6. Rabbit Poop (Grandpa's grotesque nomenclature for Cocoa Puffs)
7. Tiger Cereal (Frosted Flakes, in the Frosted Flakes bowl with Tony the Tiger's face on the bottom)
8. Pizza
9. Spaghetti (no sauce, unbroken nooodles. . . as long as I can get them)
10. Broccoli Cheese Soup
11. Turkey Sandwiches (Quiznos Specialty Again)
12. Cantelope (she could eat a whole melon herself!)
13. Carrots and Ranch (but carrots are not required)
14. Green salad with Cesar dressing (a regular rabbit. . .there might be a connection to her cereal preferences?)
15. Green Beans (again Guymon Grown)
16. Broccoli
17. Frozen Corn (she gets it from me! One time she asked Nanna in bewilderment if she was going to make the corn hot as she put a bowl of it in the microwave. Silly nanna, you don't eat corn that way!)
18. Cranberry Chicken
19. Hamburgers and Hotdogs. . . only the buns though!
20. Mashed Potatos and Gravy

Maybe I will forward my list to Emily. . .but then again maybe not. . . is that rude? Anywho. . . hopefully over the years my children's taset buds will develop a fuller and more rounded palate. We can pray right?

A Child's Prayer

Thanks to a quick shutter and a little irreverence during family prayer I caught Matt in one of his most endearing poses. Still, quiet, arms folded and eyes shut up tight, eyelids twitching from the sheer effort of it all. He is so funny and so wonderful! At meal time we usually say at least 3 prayers before all the plates are scraped clean and the table is cleared - and at Matt's bequest naturally. Alaina gets a little miffed, as her dinner is interrupted on these occasions, but for the most part she is a good sport. Last night Matt seemed particularly in-tune with the tenor of the table: Alaina and I were passionately discussing the necessity of her finishing the food in her bowl, the tempers were getting a little bit inflated and he stands up on the bench, folding his arms in matter-of-fact manner, and says "pray"! So we did. And after asking for Heavenly Father's help to eat all our food and get along with one another we were able to finish dinner without too much fuss. I am so grateful for my children! They are so wonderful and I could take a lesson or two from them on being in tune with the value and power of the simple act of prayer!

Re-Discovering Rock while on the Roll

So, many thanks to Jenny! I have found the magic of melody and it's motivational merit while treading the tire worn roads during my not-frequent-enough running adventures! But can I tell you , there is something to be said when Honky-Tonk-Badonkadonk can get my badondadonk bustin' itself a little harder! And it is so liberating and empowering to run to something other than the sound of my feet pounding, and my hazardous huffing and piteous puffing. For a good 1/3 of the run I can kind of gasp out the garrulous gimmicks I have downloaded on my i-pod. But then my body begins to fuse with the beat bumping out in my ears and the movement of the music creates an, if not envigorating, then at least a sustaining lilt. So for any of you interested in my playlist. . . and even if you're not. . .. here it is. (Keep in mind this short list is only meant for about 35 minutes of running. I am, and always have been a devout disciple of the warm up/cool down-challenged genre, so these do not include any numbers meant for that purpose. Just right into the run):

Into the Great Wide Open - Tom Petty
All These Things That I've Done - The Killers
Starlight - Muse
Face Down - The Red Jumpsuit Aparatus
King of the Mountain - Midnight Oil
Harder To Breathe (and this is about when it does get harder to breathe) - Maroon 5
No Way Back - Foo Fighters
Rollercoaster - Red Hot Chile Peppers
Check Up On It - Beyonce
I Will Follow - U2

I am also partial to these songs as well:

Under Pressure - David Bowe and Queen
Shut Up and Drive - Rihanna
American Girl - Tom Petty
American Idiot - Green Day
Me Love - Sean Kingston

For someone like me who loves loves loves music, if I get a stinker of a song while I am singing it is a real drag. I zone in on the lyrics, so much so that many a song with a good beat can be "ruined" as my husband says, when I realize what message that beat is trying to get into my head. Don't EVER run to any song from Bloodhound Gang! Don't ever LISTEN to any song from that band. Terrible.

One thing I really like about running to music is that it can really dictate my pace. So much so that I have to watch it. . if I put too many fast songs on my playlist, I inevitably run out of steam. But once I master the mix, the music pushes me and drives me ever forward, slowly increasing my distance and my pace! So thanks again a million times and again to Jenny for the wonderful suggestion. And while I know she can't claim she was the first to ever run with an mp3 player, she was the first to suggest it to me!

Kitchen Katastrophe

I will be the first to admit that my skills in the kitchen, are well, non-existent. And while I do admit skill in other fields, this is definitely my husband's territory. When I do dare to dash a few spices around, I ultimately end up with a more often than not drab dish. Chuck is kind, but always eager to give "suggestions" on how to make it better next time. He is skilled in the constructive criticism department, but after 6 plus years together, I can see through the delicate maneuverings around my fragile ego. I know that, especially as a "mormon momma", I should quit hiding behind my husband's culinary dexterity, and make at least a feeble attempt at improving my cuisine consciousness. I am, therefore, venturing forth into the world of wire whisks, forged cutlery, and recipe cards. Please, if you are not proudly protective of your more desirable delicatessens, send some of your more favorite and family beloved recipes. Perhaps, I will chance upon a few that will not find demise in my kitchen! And seeing as my attempts usually result in slop, keep it simple please!

So here are some of my more recent and favorite snaps. I absolutely love this one of Jake and Alaina. We were enjoying a weekend in La Jolla with Nanna, Grandpa, Uncle Jake and Aunts Kaycie and Haylee. It never ceases to surprise me how gracefully and generously my family has grown into their roles as our family has grown and changed in dynamics and numbers. Jake has been the most fun to watch. I remember when he was born, how he was my favorite little brother. (No injury meant toward Josh). But Jake and I shared a special bond, one that manifested itself on more than one occasion as he would call out for me in the middle of the night- not mom-, when he would search me out for a special hug, and a warming smile. He tries to pretend that those tender tendencies grew out of him, just as he grew out of that cute little round face I remember with such happiness. But he doesn't fool me, and he doesn't fool Alaina. For her Uncle Jake is a protector, and playmate and someone to turn to when she is sad. She often seeks him out as soon as we get to his house, asking where he is and when he will be back. He has grown to be a welcome and loved fixture in her world - a source of fun and love. The big muscles, and the feigned scowl do not intimidate her, for she knows that just below the facade, lies a sweet boy, who has more than enough love and tenderness than he knows what to do with. She will gladly let some of that embrace her as often as he is willing. I am so glad that my children have someone like Jake to look up to, to love, and to be around. Matthew is going to be 2 in just a couple of weeks. I CAN NOT believe it. Everyday I try to pay close attention to the world as it might appear through his eyes. But seeing as his perception of the world probably changes daily, as he grows and changes every day, I can't keep up. He has taught me that no two children are alike. No two children go about things quite the same way. And no matter what, there will always be surprises. And he has reminded me that your sister can be your best friend and your hero. He absolutely adores Alaina. First thing in the morning he is asking for Anawnie (Alaina in Matt-anese). And after patiently waiting as long as he possibly can, he will totter into her room, pull himself up on her bed, and give her a kiss and a snuggle to get her up and out of bed! When she goes to play with a friend, or when she is still napping when he gets up, he faithfully asks for her until I go get her, or she awakens to his persistent plea's for her attention. He tries so hard to be a good boy, but doesn't have to try at all to be mischievous and sometimes downright exasperating. I know the next two years will be chuck full of adventure and mis-haps. And hopefully I will be able to keep up! Now for Alaina. I think she will be the end of me some days, and other's she is my savior! We are so much alike, we can't possibly get along all of the time. If that makes any sense. Both of us passionate, both of us very close to our emotions, both of us all too easily a slave to our temper, but gratefully, just as faithful to a repentant heart. I wish I was a better example of a steady, even keel, balanced, temperant mother, but that is part of the "growing out of the child I am, and into the woman I need to be." She is constantly overwhelming me with her grasp of the world around her. She is so aware and so ready to assimilate and consume the information around her. She knows how to process the things she hears and sees, to make sense of it and incorporate it into the world she is trying to create for herself. She is much better at this than I ever was or hope to be and for that reason she often has covered ground much more quickly than I have. I often find myself trying to keep up with her exquisite and detailed logic. Most times arguing with her is futile. She is much like her father in that regard. I am just too slow, they are ALWAYS at least two steps ahead of me, but more times that not they have already found their way to the next page. Her dad is patient and waits for me to catch up, but Alaina just gets frustrated with me. What was the Lord thinking? I 'll tell you what the Lord was thinking, "This poor helpless woman won't ever make it alone. I better send her a husband who will be patient and children who will pull her along in the right direction." Thankfully the Lord has been watching out for me, and I know my family will get me where I need to be, or at least keep me on the right path. Which brings me to this picture. Sunday was Chuck's birthday, and seeing as he refuses to let me take a picture of him, or at least one where he isn't ducking his head, or turning his body completely away from it, a picture of his presents will have to do. I sometimes find myself resenting his birthday. And before you think I am some kind of un-loving monster, let me explain. See Chuck perceives his birthday in one of two ways, sometimes simultaneously, sometimes separately: 1st, he thinks that this annual celebration of his life, his integral part in the world we have come to love more because he is in it, is really a wicked and tormenting reminder that he is one year closer to dying. Cheery isn't he? And 2nd, birthdays are just unnecessary reminders to the rest of us that he is a part of our lives, resulting in gift giving and mementos that symbolize our love for him. He has an aversion to anyone getting him anything it seems. Silly silly man. So in light of his all too pessimistic attitude regarding September the 2nd, you might be able to understand my wariness of the occasion. And in response I would like to rebut his arguments and attempt to explain to him how absolutely and completely and hopelessly grateful I am for his birthday. Presents or not, old age or not.

See most of us go through much of our early lives desperately trying to prove that we are self-sufficient. We want to prove ourselves capable and masterfully skilled at traversing life on our own. Most of us start out attempting to establish that we are one of a kind and completely independent of any other person. We don't want to be grouped with this or that kind of persona, we don't want to fall into anyone's pre-determined mold. We tenaciously try to carve out our unique mark on the world. And, then for me anyway, I found Chuck. And seemingly overnight I cast all that self-righteous and sadly skewed philosophy to the wind. See, when I met him I decided I wanted more than anything to depend on someone else - him , to climb the hills and descend the valleys with someone else - him. I wanted more than anything to become one with someone else, by giving up all the superficial parts of me. I wanted to be known as his wife and his life. I desperately wanted to be everything he wanted me to be, because I knew he saw me better than I could ever possibly be. And I wanted the mark I made on the world to be one carved out with him. So if I didn't have his birthday to celebrate it would mean that there would be less of me. It would mean that all the good things in my life would not be. But there is a September 2nd to celebrate, and day of gratitude for the beautiful life he has led, the wonderful person he is, and the bright future that lies before us.
I love you Chuck, and Happy Birthday!