it happened ....

it happened. . . as I sat there at the table decorated with faux gifts, tinsel and candy, watching him stand with a good measure of patience mixed with the expected anticipation that comes for a child waiting to see Santa. He would occasionally glance around to make sure I was still where he left me, then smile and look expectantly up at his big sister, clap his hands, do a little bounce then shuffle his feet forward a foot or two as the line moved. Independent in so many ways, too many ways for me this night - Growing up.

it happens . . . every night he falls asleep and I watch as his expression relaxes and his body falls into the rhythm of sleep. all the passion and energy that sometimes make being his mom so challenging, succumbs to that quiet peace that sleep affords. But I know that beneath those closed lids are dreams filled with all the punch and ardor that fill his waking hours. His face loses a little more of that soft baby roundness and when he wakes up each morning I notice more and more straight and defined features of a growing boy. . . the baby is almost entirely gone.

it's happening . . . right in front of my nose, over every breakfast bowl and during every conversation, amidst every passing rite for one so young. Don't those seem to present themselves much earlier than you remember from your own childhood? I try to slow her down, but most often that fails and I find myself trying to harness and guide her steps on a path that will help her find a healthy independence grounded in kindness, fairness and love. Sometimes I fail and try too hard to impose me on her, but more often than not she is much too strong for that. she is smart, very smart. she is kind and thoughtful, but still very consumed by defining who she is, what she thinks and expressing how she feels. . . every moment of every waking hour. but the exhaustion I feel is only testament to her flourshing personality and destiny which is shaping itself with definitiveness every minute . . . the baby entirely gone, the young lady on the way.

Sometimes "their all grown up" manifests itself in such subtle, imperceptive ways. Other times it happens in big colorful moments that take your breath away. I guess it's my job to notice and cherish them all, hold them carefully in my heart and prepare myself for all the next time's they they happen!